Ocean Drive: Indigent Need Not Subscribe

Ocean Drive: Indigent Need Not Subscribe
New Magazine for the Wealthy May Not Want You as a Reader

Recently, I read in the New York Times that the evil whiz kids at SoBe News that brought the world Ocean Drive Magazine 13 years ago, will introduce an exclusive magazine, Related, in February 2006. According to Andrew Adam Newman, writing for the New York Times, "It will print only 25,000 copies and distribute them exclusively to current and prospective owners of condominiums developed by the Florida-based Related Group, which builds units in the range of $1 million to $10 million." SoBe it!
O.K. I know what you're thinking... How would I know or why do I care!? Well it all started years ago when, like the character Kramer on Seinfeld, I flew into a rage when I received a Pottery Barn catalogue in the mail. And no, I hadn't yet seen this particular episode. When I did finally see it I was surprised and intrigued at the coincidence. This episode changed my life. I decided there and then to, like Kramer, cancel as much as possible, if not all of my mail.
I have yet to be entirely successful in this endeavor. I knew I was in trouble when mysteriously and out of the blue, a copy of Ocean Drive Magazine appeared on my doorstep. A wave of utter shock and revulsion shook my body. Who had sent it? How had they found me? If you've never seen this magazine I will now describe it to you. First of all, it is about the same thickness as a telephone book. Second, it is filled with glossy photo ads for $100,000 watches and other gem studded jewelry, shiny luxury sports cars and other expensive junk. Skinny and often disheveled wind-swept models dressed in skimpy couture and dangerous shoes stare out at the viewer from all angles.
O.K., I thought. This is just a sample- a fluke- a mistake. It won't happen again. But it did. Like clockwork, every month another copy would arrive. I was so embarrassed. What would my mail carrier, the recycling center and my neighbors think?
I decided to take action. You know the annoying postage paid post-card that invariably flies out of every magazine? I wrote on the back, Cancel this subscription! How did you get my name? I have a low income! As a matter of fact, I'm indigent! Who would buy all this junk you sell anyway?
After about 12 months I received my last copy of Ocean Drive magazine. But that's not the end of the story. One day near the end of the time of the subscription, my close friend, Russell, who was at this time sharing an apartment with my cousin, invited me to this cousin's birthday party. After a while at the party, I noticed something strange laying on the coffee table. It was a copy of Ocean Drive magazine! Oh no...!, I exclaimed to Russell, those creeps got your name too. How awful. I then told him about the angry letter I had just sent them. He laughed and admitted it was he who had sent the subscription. It was supposed to be a present. He liked the sexy pictures and thought I would to. I love Russell so I told him that if I had only known I would have saved, at least for a while, some of the issues instead of immediately tossing them into the recycling bin.

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Source:
New Magazine for the Wealthy May Not Want You as a Reader
MONDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2005
Author: ANDREW ADAM NEWMAN
The New York Times
Business/Financial Desk
Late Edition - Final, Section C, Page 5, Column 5